A mop and a scheming queen (Rousse)

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Dreamaticus

We made a purchase in the only shop in town that was open before 9:00am: a huge mop.

Then we popped over to the Palace to gather around the whiteboard with the rest of the royal family and listen to Queen Elizabeth II outline her latest scheme.

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Events at Northwick Hall (Rousse)

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Dreamaticus

We employed a team of caretakers to look after Northwick Hall, our rather grand country ‘cottage’. These employees doubled up as duty managers on event nights.

Amongst them was my old colleague ED and her husband M. While they did a reasonable job, I wasn’t too happy that ED carried her tiny, premature baby grandson between the pages of a ring binder one night as she welcomed guests to an evening show.

My favourite events were those with the undergraduates. I particularly enjoyed breakfast on the last day of term. All the boys dressed smartly in sports jackets and ties, keen to look their best when their parents drove to Northwick to collect them and take them home for the holidays.

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A Mexican double life (Rousse)

Posted on October 26, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I spotted the black notebook lying in a side street of run-down terraced houses. Curious as to their contents, I picked it up from the gutter to take a look. There on the first page my childhood home address stood out amongst mundane lists and notes about building supplies.

I flicked through the other pages and then saw my own name scribbled in the margins. Most curious of all was a raised section of a page, about the size of a postage stamp. Touching it activated a sound file – of my own voice, explaining that I moved to Mexico when I was 18 and that my academic career was a complete illusion.

This was all terribly shocking – so much so that I felt that I could only share the story of my discovery with one person. BJ was my confidante. After this revelation, it was my intention to never mention it again, and do my best to forget about all it.

However, the next time that I was on campus and sitting next to FR, it struck me that her handwriting was very similar to that in the notebook. When I hinted that I had been terribly upset on finding a multimedia notebook in the street, she confessed that this was all of her making. She thought that I would be delighted with her mysterious and imaginative hand-made retirement present.

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A motorcycle tour of the Outer Hebrides (Rousse)

Posted on October 18, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Three of us squeezed onto the tiny motorbike to tour the Outer Hebrides. BC was our driver, TPR sat at the back, and I was squeezed between the two of them.

BC had no experience of winding single track roads. Even though I warned her of every upcoming bend, I knew that it would not be long before we came off the road.

Inevitably we fell on a bend at the brow of a hill. It was a soft landing in the heather at the road side, and no other vehicles were in sight at the time. This was just as well because none of us were wearing protective motorcycle headgear at the time (although later we ‘borrowed’ some cycle helmets).

There were two other problems with this holiday. First, the guest house was no longer offering dinner in the evenings. Second, TPR grew a moustache and wore his hair dark again – a sure sign to me that he was having a affair with BC.

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Unwelcome house-mates (Rousse)

Posted on October 18, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Entertaining L,T, P and S was much  more difficult now that we lived in shared accommodation with PhD students. I was hoping that I could shoo the others away the night that I was hosting our dinner party, but I no longer had any authority over the students now that I was retired.

Rather than sit at the dinner table in sight of the others, L,T, P and S donned towelling dressing gowns and headed for the sauna.

Later, and for the millionth time, S questioned me on the point of our Christmas newsletter.

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A cat and a cleaner (Rousse)

Posted on October 16, 2022 by Dreamaticus

My former neighbour JS cradled a beautiful tabby cat in her arms. It was a leaving present from her friends.

The cat, however, was not the focus of our conversation. Rather, JS wanted to show her displeasure at my nephew PMF, who had suggested that JS employ his friend Maria as her cleaner.

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University selection criteria (Rousse)

Posted on October 13, 2022 by Dreamaticus

The prospective student from Stockton-on-Tees visited campus with his mother, grandmother, and aunts.

He stated that he wanted to study Physics. Since we did not offer a degree in this subject, I started ‘selling’ Computing and Engineering, highlighting that two of the professors in the School were from his home town.

He wasn’t persuaded by me, but when he heard the University choir along the corridor practising for the Christmas concert, he declared ‘I want to study at a University where people can sing like that!’

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Highland glamour (Rousse)

Posted on October 13, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I thought that we would not make it when the Indian driver lost control of the car in the snow. Luckily we survived the skids, entered the beautiful glen, and our journey was complete at the point that the road ended at the jetty on the loch.

The scene before us was just as described in the novel. The ancient hotel was just along the shoreline, and the castle across the water.

That evening, the châtelaine and her ladies came by boat to join is at the hotel. For reclusive inhabitants of the Highlands they were were glamorous. Each was dressed in a neat, primary coloured, skirt suit that must have been the height of fashion in the late 1960s. They all were fully made-up, coiffed, and displaying stunning jewellery. I felt rather scruffy in their company. Moreover, they put the state of the shabby hotel to complete shame.

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Prince William caught in tatty blazer (Rousse)

Posted on October 10, 2022 by Dreamaticus

One of my duties as nanny to Princes William and Harry was to put the pair of them on the train to Eton.

When I let the brothers down to the platform, I noticed a tear in Prince William’s turquoise blazer.

‘This will not do at all,’ I scolded him, fearful of the fuss that the press would make over his scruffy appearance.

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Severed toddler’s hand doubles up as business card (Rousse)

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Due to a microphone mix-up, I now looked a complete fool. The problem was that it was my turn to speak, but the mic that I was holding was silent. Meanwhile, an idiotic woman was blethering into the one that was live. With all eyes turned on me, everyone thought that the idiotic woman’s words were mine.

Afterwards, one of the few people who deigned to acknowledge me asked about a possible research role in my group. I said that I would let her know of any opportunities and asked for her business card. She didn’t have one on her, so instead passed over a sticky resin model of a severed toddler’s hand.

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