Dog and documentation disaster (Rousse)

Posted on August 31, 2011 by Dreamaticus

As EH passed the Patch the Jack Russell terrier over to me in the office I worked out that he must be at least 35 years old. He also a long way from his home with the S family in Stockton-on-Tees. Unfortunately poor Patch wasn’t feeling very well and threw up in transit. Now I was in a real dilemma: to rush home and change into clean clothes, to soothe the dog, or to complete documentation for a meeting due to start in an hour. It was a relief to learn that my boss was about to set off on a business trip to Canada and that the meeting task could wait.

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The crossed asparagus spears of London (Belle)

Posted on August 31, 2011 by Dreamaticus

My friend AD was showing me a magazine feature on personalised registration plates and the people to whom they belonged – plus how much they had paid for them. We spotted a few people we knew.

By far the most expensive number plate was the one depicting ‘the crossed asparagus spears of the City of London’.

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NHS funding crisis: solutions Dreamaticus-style (Rousse)

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The local hospital held a fund-raising sale of old medical equipment. When I spotted the beautiful collection of old porcelain bed pans and potties I knew instantly that LF would want to buy them all. However, her contribution – though worthy – would not save the NHS. I wondered why the hospital staff had not simply planned a trip to the English south coast where the shores are lined with gold.

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The dangers of internet shopping (Belle)

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

While showing off my internet auctions skills I accidentally bought a painting by Gustav Klimt for £1million. Shortly afterwards there was a London-wide blackout and I planned to excuse my time-wasting purchase as a ‘power surge’.

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Rousse dismantles international drug trafficking ring

Posted on August 28, 2011 by Dreamaticus

My role in the efforts to combat international drug trafficking was so important that I was forced into hiding. Meanwhile my learned pal CO and buzzy AB worked tirelessly to ensure that I would never be discovered across the border in my Sheffield hide-out.

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Nelson Mandela a surprise breakfast guest (Belle)

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Dreamaticus

It wasn’t clear who my breakfast guests were at first. They had arrived via speedboat from the other side of the bay and were wrapped up in full-length, hooded, fake leopardskin gowns. Only when they removed their hoods did I realise that, despite being the last to leave the party the night before, Nelson Mandela, and his wife were visiting us again.

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Beckham crisis for HRH Queen Elizabeth II (Rousse)

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Dreamaticus

It was a constitutional crisis. The Queen herself conveyed the disappointing news to a bewildered nation: contrary to popular belief, David and Victoria Beckham were not legally married.

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Number 26 bus to the rescue (Rousse)

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Dreamaticus

I went out drinking with TPR and his former colleague LC. They got so drunk that I was forced to confiscate LC’s car keys and shove the pair of them on the number 26 bus to get them home safely.

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Morecombe and Wise not funny: it’s official (Rousse)

Posted on August 23, 2011 by Dreamaticus

As we walked along the seafront Eric Morecombe and I analysed classic British comedy series. I managed to express how some simply were not funny, cleverly avoiding mention of how much I disliked Morecombe and Wise.

Later I was back on duty at the communal garden and laundrette. Someone had been stealing from the washing powder supply again.

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Royal Liverpool Insurance diversifies into the holiday market (Rousse)

Posted on August 23, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The Royal Liverpool Insurance Company offers genteel holiday accommodation in Scarborough, especially favoured by trades union officials.

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