Dreamaticus

I chased my north Northumbrian cousins through the corridors Scooby Doo style as a strategy to keep them entertained while were waiting for the main event. Then the word came that the real fun was about to start. We gathered above a stairwell amongst a heaving crowd held back by cinema staff dressed in red uniforms. A banner dropped from the rail to the floor below. It announced that the competition was in aid of a cot death charity supported by JK Rowling in the memory of David, the baby who died in book 5 (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix). I had no memory of this character at all. To win the (unspecified) prize you had to grab hold of the tail of the white balloon about to be released into the crowd and take one of the question paper scrolls. Inside the scroll would be a couple of challenges. The first to complete the challenges could claim the prize. Unfortunately the balloon was punctured within minutes. I managed to grab a scroll as the deflated balloon was trampled underfoot. There wasn’t a single challenge noted on it. Apparently I was the winner, but it felt like cheating.

Eighteenth Century World was found in another corner of the theme park. This promised to be lots of fun, especially since you could dress up in long dresses and wigs and sit down to a massive banquet with your friends and family. Then I spotted a small dejected-looking crowd being led over a rough piece of land a little further away. “Who are they, and what are they doing?” I asked. “Slaves” came the answer, “required so that everyone understands the full context for the wealth of the upper classes in eighteenth century Europe”. Then two people grabbed me, and before I knew it I was dressed in rags, blind-fold, and strapped to a hard chair under a heavy, hairy rope. As a slave I was meant to be grateful for a meal of plain rice and hope that I would not be whipped. When I questioned the authenticity of all this, I was told that Duddingston village was formerly the centre of the Scottish slave trade, the loch fed by slave ships from Leith. Someone had to pay for it now, and that someone was me.

JK Rowling features on Dreamaticus quite frequently. You’ll also find her here:

• JK Rowling extends her estate (Rousse);
• Lord Alan Sugar’s babysitter and JK Rowling’s secret (Rousse);
• JK Rowling’s new book (Rousse);
• JK Rowling bakes a mean meringue (Rousse);
• JK Rowling offers advice to novice novelist (Rousse).