Sea shells, puppies, and religious services on Shetland (Rousse)

Posted on March 14, 2025 by Dreamaticus

We caught the ‘ferry service’ to the remote island off the Shetland mainland. Open to the elements, the tiny wooden boat only carried around ten passengers. TPR rushed off to secure our accommodation once we reached the shore. Meanwhile I sat down at the side of the track to take off my walking boots and examine my latest blisters.

TPR soon returned to lead me to gift shop bed and breakfast. The internal door into the house was well hidden behind a display of sea shells. When we pushed it open, we found ourselves in a large sitting room with our hosts, their children, and dozens of puppies. I noticed dog hairs all over the carpet and furniture. What a nightmare this was going to be for me with all my allergies.

Then the family announced that it was time for their Wednesday religious service. This took place in the house because there were no longer any churches in operation on the island. TPR and I shared a panicked glance, each willing the other to devise a reasonable excuse to leave the house immediately.

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A garden corpse hunt (Rousse)

Posted on March 13, 2025 by Dreamaticus

All that I wanted to do was to see if there was any frogspawn in our pond. It was raining a little, but that didn’t bother me.

So when I stepped into the garden and saw the massive hole in the middle of the lawn, this came as quite a shock. The huge builders’ tools strewn across the grass told me that this was not the work of some passing fox or gang of squirrels. Whoever did this was hunting for something.

I couldn’t admit it to TPR, but I knew exactly what the diggers hoped to find. I prayed that the corpse that I had buried there three decades earlier still laid undiscovered. Was there any chance that it could have completely decomposed by now?

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Wee wedding (Rousse)

Posted on March 13, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My mother brought shame on my entire family when she laughed so much at my sister-in-law’s wedding that she wet herself.

I tried to make up for this by taking very seriously my role of chief bridesmaid, but failed. The damage was already done.

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Defining a youngster and bonus corvids (Belle)

Posted on March 12, 2025 by Dreamaticus

The new ‘Age Classification System’ I was working on had hit a roadblock.

Earlier in the process I had decided that 29-31 year olds should be designated as ‘Youngsters’ and this was causing inevitable problems for me as I tried to work my way through younger age brackets.

Later, I said out loud to no-one: “I want to go where I can SEE the difference between rooks and ravens”.

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Riding a water envelope is more fun than house clearing and lecturing (Rousse)

Posted on March 7, 2025 by Dreamaticus

When we were recalled to my parents’ house to finish the clearing job, we admired the garden in the beautiful spring sunshine. Our progress was slow, especially because all the utilities had been disconnected. Even the simplest of tasks, such as washing up, were impossible.

Added to this, we had to deal with our mother. She now regularly consumed seven bottles of wine a day. Then there was my super-skinny sister S. She found nothing odd about getting up at 6:00am to gorge herself on a huge plate of salami then returning to bed for the rest of the day. Of course, my long-dead father insisted that there was nothing wrong with these behaviours, even when I dragged him into a cupboard to express my annoyance.

TPR and I escaped my family for the afternoon when we headed to the beach. Here we stored all our valuables in a yellow carrier bag to hide under some stones in a cave that was used as a changing room by old ladies (including a retired librarian). Then we joined in the water sports from a boat anchored in the bay. HVJ was there, desperate for me to join her for a ride on a ‘water envelope’.

Of course the distraction of the house, the garden, and the beach meant that I completely forgot that I had promised to deliver a 7pm lecture at the university. If asked, I would blame my absence on flooding.

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Meeting ‘famous’ people in Scotland (Belle)

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was beginning to think the marketing blurb for this Famous People of Scotland tour was slightly misleading. I was introduced to Sean Connery, who was a thirty-something wildlife welfare officer, and to our coach driver, whose name was Rabbie Burns.

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A new life in a house by the sea (Rousse)

Posted on February 26, 2025 by Dreamaticus

At last, my dreams of a house by the sea were fulfilled. Granted, the village would likely be overrun in the summer, but that was a small price to pay for the view, not to mention the enormous garden with its full size tennis court. I was also delighted that the previous owners – the same people who sold us our first house in Birmingham – had left some items in the huge garage, including a couple of bikes and a big lawnmower. The only issue with the property was a drip coming through the ceiling at the back door, but TPR was onto that.

I wandered down to the pub on the seafront to meet some of our new neighbours and their dogs. There I learnt about the village ‘picker-upper’. This traditional role was assigned to a woman whose main responsibility was to cure the ill. She also made public pronouncements on the death of locals.

The first real social event of our new life on the coast was the New Year’s Day double wedding of two of my third cousins twice-removed. Anita and Out were the grand-daughters of my cousin NA and his wife J.  J reminded me to bring my pyjamas to the ceremony, although she was at a loss to explain why I would need them.

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Hugh Grant gold-digger (Rousse)

Posted on February 24, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My boyfriend Hugh Grant met me at work every day to watch old films in my office.

I was convinced, however, that he wouldn’t be mine for long. He was a renowned gold-digger, and would soon discover that I was not the heiress that he imagined.

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A Daily Mail fake (Rousse)

Posted on February 24, 2025 by Dreamaticus

While everyone else was taking a siesta, WB’s new husband Richard cosied up to me on the sofa and confessed that he worked for the Daily Mail. He explained that he had held the post of Marketing Director for the past 31 years.

I doubted that he was telling the truth, especially when he denied all knowledge of my brother-in-law RH.

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Shamed at a Newcastle University seminar (Rousse)

Posted on February 23, 2025 by Dreamaticus

TPR and I travelled to Newcastle for two visits to my mother in her care home.

Between the visits, TPR consulted physics text books in Newcastle University library, then we both attended a research seminar in the School of Fine Art.

Part-way through the talk, the Head of School asked me to escort TPR from the building. This was because TPR’s unwarranted interruptions and basic questions revealed that he had no right to be there. We left campus under a cloud of shame.

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