Time-saving Victorian costume changes (Rousse)

Posted on September 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

To save time in costume changes, TPR wore both his outfits simultaneously. To the left he was an navvy in a brown overall; to the right he was a Victorian gentleman.

He dressed like this all day, even when looking after DM’s grandchildren.

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Party treats of burnt prawns and carbonised sausages (Rousse)

Posted on September 20, 2025 by Dreamaticus

Our lodger FR hadn’t quite got the hang of our kitchen. She crammed far too much blue and white crockery into the glass-fronted cupboards, then cleared a drawer to store a single cake. More annoying, she didn’t clean up after baking bread. Now all the surfaces, including the kitchen floor, were covered in lumps of sticky dough – just as we were expecting our guests to arrive.

Most at the party were my former work colleagues. These included ED, PC and WD, plus GR and his mother. Some people I recognised, but could not name. I served them burnt prawns and carbonised sausages.

Meanwhile TPR was absent, opting to spend the day with his lover. I wondered whether I should retaliate by spending more time with PC?

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Banned from aquafit (Rousse)

Posted on September 15, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was expelled from my aquafit class for making 16 errors in the morning’s routine.

(I had also worn my outdoor shoes at the poolside – a much greater crime in my books – but nobody seemed to have noticed.)

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Marriage break-up consolation prize (Rousse)

Posted on September 15, 2025 by Dreamaticus

While TPR insisted that our marriage was over, he offered me a consolation prize. From the back seat of the car, he told me that his predecessor ST was currently available.

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Belle becomes a royal bodyguard and is rejected by Ren

Posted on September 10, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was travelling on the upper deck of a old-fashioned red London bus when I realised two things simultaneously. A teenage Prince William was sitting in a seat in front of me, and we were being sprayed with bullets from outside. I leapt out of my seat and pushed William, head first, onto the floor before throwing myself on top of him. “I’m not even a royalist”, I yelled.

When the danger was over, the bus had turned into a tour bus and I was hugging my favourite musician, Ren. He was really not into this, and I was forced to kiss him on the cheek and retreat.

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Julia Roberts’ best friend (Rousse)

Posted on September 9, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My planned move to the US would be an adventure, although not without regret. I knew, for example, that I would miss the pals that I left behind in the UK.

‘Please don’t worry about us’, actress Julia Roberts assured me. ‘You and I will always remain best friends, wherever you end up’.

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Investing in Walker’s early works (Rousse)

Posted on September 7, 2025 by Dreamaticus

P and SM’s latest holiday adventure was a month long trip to Northumberland via New York, Valencia, and the art galleries of London.

At AF’s request, in London P and SM had bought several small scraps of sugar paper covered in childish scribbles. They had paid a small fortune to the Royal Society for this pile of litter.

Supposedly this was a curated collection of the early works of the now-famous modern artist Walker. AF was only too willing to hand over a large wad of cash for the whole lot.

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Travel to Shetland by helicopter (Rousse)

Posted on September 5, 2025 by Dreamaticus

The twin who worked at the gym, and her sister who was a student at Queen Margaret University, organised the holiday in Shetland.

TPR and I volunteered to fly there by helicopter. At the time we were unaware that this would mean hanging on to the outside of the aircraft rather than travelling seated in the cabin.

Also, before we reached the airport, we underestimated the length of the journey and so did not pack the Scrabble. However, we managed to fashion an operational game of sorts from some old cardboard boxes that we found scattered in the waiting room.

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The end of the affair (Rousse)

Posted on August 30, 2025 by Dreamaticus

As we were approaching the end of a marvellous summer holiday together, I felt that the time was right to bring up the subject of my husband’s mistress.

He couldn’t avoid the subject if I challenged him directly when we were both in the bath together. I complimented his lovely long dark locks and strong muscular body, then told him that I knew that he had a lover.

My husband realised immediately that it would be pointless to respond to my accusation with anything other than the truth. He admitted that he had been sleeping with Alice the vet for several months. They met for secret trysts whenever she had a moment between house calls.

I said that I was not prepared to share my husband any longer, and insisted that he end the affair as soon as we returned home.

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Expelled for missing the bus (Rousse)

Posted on August 28, 2025 by Dreamaticus

It was a huge honour to have been appointed to this high profile expert panel to work with the most senior UK academics and the country’s top civil servants.

After Day 1 of important confidential debate, the chair released us for the evening with strict instructions to return on time in the morning. Anyone who dared to arrive late would be expelled.

I spent the evening at my cousins’ farm in Somerset, happy to take a break after the serious business of the day. The next morning, it felt like therapy to sit on the floor and play with my tiniest relatives.

Then I noticed the time. If I didn’t move quickly, I’d be late for Day 2 of panel work. I raced out of the house and tried the flag down the bus that was just pulling away from the stop.

The mean driver refused to wait for me. In that moment I knew that I was doomed to carry forever the shame of being expelled from the most prestigious role of my career.

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