I woke up on a park bench and saw I was wearing a very ugly pair of bulky black shoes. I asked my companion what had happened. He explained that I had been ‘blackout drunk’ and had gone on a shopping spree, declaring that this was the day I was giving up high heel shoes. I could not accept this story. I had never been drunk in my entire life. Nor would I have willingly thrown away a pair of stiletto shoes.

Later that day, I went to a party and stayed out all night. The sun was pouring into the party house and I sat on a sofa trying to remember how I’d got there. Strangers kept telling me “the party’s over” but I did not take the hint to leave until five people sat on me, squashing me flat.