Our lodger FR hadn’t quite got the hang of our kitchen. She crammed far too much blue and white crockery into the glass-fronted cupboards, then cleared a drawer to store a single cake. More annoying, she didn’t clean up after baking bread. Now all the surfaces, including the kitchen floor, were covered in lumps of sticky dough – just as we were expecting our guests to arrive.

Most at the party were my former work colleagues. These included ED, PC and WD, plus GR and his mother. Some people I recognised, but could not name. I served them burnt prawns and carbonised sausages.

Meanwhile TPR was absent, opting to spend the day with his lover. I wondered whether I should retaliate by spending more time with PC?