I started to write my report about the Research Excellence Framework (REF) in pink ink along the top of the low wall. My source material was a huge A4 binder bulging with print-outs and notes from 2021.

I left my position for a while to chat to EH about a recent vacancy at the University of Edinburgh. Her application had been rejected in favour of that of our mutual colleague F.

When I returned to my report, I found several men in suits gathered along ‘my’ wall. Some were examining my pink scribbles on the stone; others were leafing through the contents of the binder. Furious with them, I threatened legal action for interfering with my confidential work.