The wedding I attended was SO boring. In one room, every guest had been invited to ‘do a turn’ and I was cringing with second-hand embarrassment. Sneaking quietly out of the room, I discovered that a second ‘volume’ of the wedding was happening in the room next door at the same time. Here, guests were attempting to perform a Bollywood style musical number. How soon could I sneak out, I wondered.

Later someone asked me to help them find the bride’s DNA – she had disappeared from her own wedding several hours ago and a crime was suspected. I was too frightened to confess that I may have accidentally told the bride that this was the worst wedding ever and she had run away in tears.