Sick of listening to BP bleating on about my financial precarity, I invited him to leave the table and follow me outside.

‘There is no need for you to concern yourself about my fiscal position. It is, in fact, very healthy. I have £6 million in my bank account’ I explained.

In response, BP leant forward and kissed me with an unexpected passion.

When we returned inside, one of the others whispered to me quietly (and knowingly) ‘Rousse, you need to straighten your dress’.