My new business venture – selling vinyl records at a stall in the local church – seemed to be going so well. My fellow stall holders were delighted with the turnout.

However, I failed to check my handbag, and when I opened it several small monkeys ran out and proceeded to cause chaos. Vinyl records were removed from their sleeves and thrown at shoppers. Purses were rifled and people began to scream. I could only look on in horror as the monkeys moved towards the silver candlesticks on the altar.