When I spotted academic J at the bus stop, I took the opportunity of checking the rumours that she had left her husband and moved into a flat of her own. She confirmed this, adding that she was almost free of her mortgage (just £68 to go), that she had a new boyfriend called Richard, and that the pair of them were performing at the Edinburgh Fringe.

I was very tempted to deface a poster for their show that was affixed to a telephone box just along the road. I resisted, but only because I was still in sight of the proud performer.

After I saw J onto her bus, I witnessed an argument between a thug and a pale, bent-over man called Richard. Could this small, albino afflicted by kyphosis be J’s lover? Indeed it was.