‘Are you insured?’ asked the hotel manager.

TPR looked up from his plate of parma ham and Hollandaise sauce. Why did she need to know this?

‘It’s just that we noticed on the CCTV from last night’s dinner service that you use your knife and fork with a great deal of force. This probably explains that damage to our crockery over the duration of your stay with us.’

It sounded like an ‘extra’ was about to be added to our hotel bill.