TPR drove at top speed along Bishopton Avenue, then continued straight on at the junction with Bishopton Road West and into Oxbridge Avenue. What he didn’t appreciate was that since his last visit to this part of Stockton-on-Tees two decades ago, this main road had been downgraded to a gated traffic-free cul-de-sac.

The car  smashed through the barrier and spun to halt in front of a row of modern ‘executive homes’. I declared that TPR must now call 101 to report the incident to the police.

TPR was very reluctant to do this, especially since he had consumed a bottle of red wine with his lunch just a couple of hours earlier.