The dog sculpture in jade looked good in MB’s new kitchen and I now regretted that the family had given it to her as a present.

The ornament was also much more versatile than we had first believed. The head was removable and inside was a selection of green plastic kitchen utensils. Without notice, these sprang to life and the whole object transformed into a food processor that liquidised a huge quantity of green soup.

I feared for the state of MB’s new kitchen surfaces as the green gunge started spilling out everywhere. I also hoped that her lunch guests, who included KJ, DTJ and one of their children, would not notice the commotion.