My driving was getting worse. In Salford I scraped our white BMW against the kerb outside a hospital, nearly taking out some nursing staff.

Thankfully the car easily transformed into a motorbike. This meant that I could make a quick getaway and avoid an on-the-spot fine.

TPR jumped onto the back of the bike and tried to give directions. I completely misunderstood him when he shouted ‘straight on’. Instead I turned sharp right and we almost came off at the roundabout.

Next I heard sounds from a carnival lorry behind us. It was decorated with big banners that displayed road safety messages. The dancers were singing chants about fixed penalties. A police officer emerged from the chorus, signalled to me to stop the bike’s engine, and then arrested me for multiple driving offences.

I later heard that Salford was testing the public shaming of poor drivers by carnival lorry as a way to improve road safety in Greater Manchester.