Perhaps it was a mistake to allow the youngest member of our party to drive? The small, slim woman made so many navigational mistakes that we ended up travelling from Hexham to Corbridge via Norton. It took three hours to travel just 11 miles. At this rate it would be weeks before we reached Newbury.

A further problem was that I was expected to snog the dog. This was completely out of the question, no matter how handsome a creature he was in his shiny black and tan coat.