Living in post-apocalyptic Birmingham wasn’t as bad as it sounds. The most noticeable difference was an apparent lack of DIY skills in the general population. Windows and walls remained broken across the city. I travelled the streets in an American police car with Piers Brosnan and was quite cross that my passenger window had been replaced with cardboard.

Later I joined a queue to buy the latest 10-inch single by Morrissey but was nearly thrown out of the record shop for not wearing shoes. I was amazed at how quickly the lie came out of my mouth – “My only shoes were damaged in a flood”. In fact I just wanted to stare at my newly painted toenails.