My friend A sat down next to me on the bus. It looked like he was carrying his son in his arms, but I couldn’t be certain that this was a human baby. The first strange thing about the child was that even though it was the middle of winter, he was wearing nothing but a nappy. Then there were his big, pale, floppy translucent ears. Was this really PJ, or a baby Yoda changeling?

The bus set off with a jolt in the direction of town. We got off at a vast labyrinth of music and film studios, commonly known locally as “The Cellars”.

“They make ‘like’ movies here”, a stranger whispered in my ear. I was too shy to admit that I had no idea what he was talking about.

Then TPR joined us. It didn’t surprise me that he was completely naked, but I did ask him why he’d bothered to dye his hair black.

“I’ve been filming a ‘like’ movie”, he explained with a wink.

At last the meaning of the phrase made sense. My husband was finally about to confess the secret that he had held back from me for so long: he was a porn star.