One minute I was lying next to my gorgeous cousin N. The next I was a kidnap victim, crushed into the back of a car heading for the Lake District. A strangely-shaped man, who had obviously raided my rucksack, squashed up against me. First he brandished my hairbrush, and then he set about combing my hair. His next misdemeanour was to steal my packed lunch.

I prayed that TPR would find our car, rescue me, and then drive us home as fast as possible.