Catherine Duchess of Cambridge crossed Princes Street from opposite the Balmoral Hotel and headed right towards Princes Mall.

“Catherine!” I called. She ignored me. I called again, and then she turned round. She looked so beautiful and elegant in a deep purple wrap dress. Goodness knows what she made of me in my purple fleece pyjamas, yet she walked over to find out what I wanted.

“I heard that you wanted to shop in Topshop”, I said. “You’re heading in the wrong direction. Topshop is a bit further down Princes Street on this side of the road.”

Catherine was clearly delighted with my advice and gave me three kisses as a thank you.