TPR and I were very proud of our new baby. Just two days old, she was already crawling at speed on her six long black legs, chattering to herself. The latest additions to her vocabulary included four syllable abstract nouns, such as “experience”. She was so advanced for her age!

My only concern was that our child resembled an overgrown beetle. TPR assured me that this was normal. Next she would be a dog, and then eventually she’d transform into a “normal” human baby just like all the others.