The criminal was sitting on the floor of the school hall, handcuffed and mouthing obscenities. I, however, had no time to react. I had to get home, change, pick up my boyfriend and get to the FA Cup Final.

The car journey took me through a beautiful mountainous landscape, and eventually we pulled up at a glorious beauty spot. Johnny Depp, clutching two tickets, led me to two barstools at the very edge of the cliff. “Are these our seats?”, I asked – amazed. Far below us in the valley I could see the pitch of Wembley Stadium. Everything it seems had been taken care of – next to my glass of mango juice stood a ‘half time toaster’.