For authentic Saturday afternoon entertainment I decided to take my weekend guests to a football match. The Hiberian ground wasn’t too far away, so I slipped out of the house first thing on Saturday morning to go and buy some tickets.

Although it was before 09:00am when I arrived, I was surprised to find that the ground was already busy with football fans, some decked in green, and others in maroon. Then I remembered that this was the big day of the Edinburgh Hibs-Heart derby. I’d be very lucky to get tickets at all, even after blagging my way into the members’ common room where the less rowdy fans were collecting tickets ordered in advance. I considered stealing some of the labelled white A4 envelopes laid out on the table, but this would be very difficult due to the number of plain-clothed security men in attendance.

Just as I was about to leave the ground (ticket-less) JM appeared. He was dressed very smartly in a suit, and a looked a little shorter than usual. “I’ll be right with you” he called, and dived through a door off the members’ common room. When he reemerged we left the ground together and I attempted to persuade him to come back with me to my flat. I knew that my sisters-in-law JR and SMcC, and former colleagues AT and JB plus JB’s wife E, would love to meet him. He was interested in the invitation, and would come over from Portobello beach just as soon as he finished his morning conference call to the US.

A more urgent priority, however, was to shake off the woman following closely behind us. We knew that she was called Catherine, but we had no idea why she found it so amusing to creep up and poke us in the back.