The task was quite simple: to drive 5 miles back to my sister J’s house. I even had my nephew P as navigator. He’d just run the route in reverse to meet me. What could possibly go wrong?

• we took a wrong turn off the main road onto a dirt track;
• we got lost;
• the sat nav refused to work;
• we were chased by enormous, salivating wolves;
• I lost my sight on a section of three lane motorway.

When the police eventually caught up with us they refused to accept any of the pathetic excuses for my dreadful driving skills.