KA was still in the middle of her shift when I arrived at the newsagent’s shop. I was meeting her from work to take her my new house in central Hexham, next to an outpost of Newcastle University. KA grabbed a free copy of Choice magazine for me from a display rack, and then we set off.

The last time that I had checked the work on my new home the restored blackhouse had been enhanced by the addition of a glass portico. I was appalled that this had since been dismantled, and I feared that the house had been vandalised. KA and I went inside to check, accompanied by a small group of Teesside High School alumni.

There was nothing to fear. The entrance hall was bright and airy, wooden-floored with whitewashed walls. TPR was also there, showing off the palatial rooms in the main part of the building. What marked it as our future home was the proportion of bathrooms to bedrooms – seven to three – plus a massive steam room.

I decided to ignore the post addressed to a complete stranger that I found on the leather sofa in the sitting room. Nobody other than us would ever have specified so many bathrooms in such a small living space.