We were meant to be discussing PhD studentships, but I could tell that the committee members were far more interested in the four unopened bottles of red wine in my possession. When I eventually suggested serving a few glasses, D almost fell off her chair in excitement.

Before pouring the drinks I first needed to conduct some blending experiments. I laid out a selection of glassware – including a couple of test-tubes – on our green oriental silk rug. Then I uncorked the bottles and set to work. Meanwhile behind me TPR was in a flat spin of panic. “Get that off the carpet NOW!” he shouted, “Haven’t you forgotten that the rug is our most precious possession?!”

What TPR didn’t appreciate was that this was very special wine: it did not stain when spilt. I demonstrated its magical properties. TPR was satisfied. However, when I also explained that each bottle came from my parents’ dodgy collection of home brew, he banned me outright from serving it.