I attended a business meeting with my heartbreaking ex. While I was on top form, shining with good health and happiness, he was a shadow of his former self. Delighted, I managed to convince him he should escort me to my home. On unlocking the door, we discovered I had inadvertently trapped a minicab driver in my hallway. He had been driven mad by the thought of his lost fares and threatened me with my own kitchen knife.

After the cab driver was removed by the police, my ex and I settled down in front of the upstairs bedroom window to watch the transvestite sex parties taking place at the house opposite.