A huge media campaign grew up around the campus move to an ocean liner moored in Leith Docks. Thousands of visitors were expected to gather for the firework display that followed our open afternoon.

I was looking forward to the evening celebrations too. It would certainly be more interesting than standing on my own in an empty classroom next to a huge banner of myself hoping that someone would come along and ask me a question. (At one point during the day I had explored the corridors and staircases of the liner’s various levels in an attempt to identify an escape route, but the only way off the ship would have been to swim ashore.)

Eventually my banner and I had some company when RA and her baby son came to join me. I peered into the pram and noticed the length of the baby’s hairy arms. I wondered if anyone had ever dared to tell RA that her “beautiful son” was, in fact, a monkey?

When the time for the display finally came I took position at the window of the campus gym. The fabulous fireworks above were even more amazing when reflected back across the water. When we heard the approach of a military fly-over I was even more impressed, then suddenly alarmed. There was no way that the university budget would stretch to this! What on earth was going on?

The first of the three military aircraft turned its nose downwards, crashed into campus and exploded into flames. I felt a blaze of heat against my back and screamed “Fire exits. Hurry!” In a few moments the fireball would surely engulf us all.