This was highly embarrassing. My gym membership had run out several weeks earlier and somehow I had ended up in the changing rooms with everyone encouraging me to pretend that I was still a member. This was not right and I had to escape – fast!

My route out was highly dangerous. I followed the river as far as I could, but now that it was winter the stream was much wider than before. Without help, I had little chance of crossing the rivers that joined it. I was grateful that the two kayaking Africans (who had earlier tried to sell me paddling lessons) followed me along the riverbank and offered to carry me across when I reached a swollen tributary.

The next challenge was a huge expanse of mudflat. If I put a foot wrong here, I would be sucked under and drown a dirty death. Somehow I managed to skip my way across, again with the help of my new friends.

Unfortunately my guides had both disappeared by the time I reached the exit stairs. All that I needed to do now to return to “normality” was negotiate the stone spiral staircase. The problem, however, was that the stairs were incredibly narrow and steep. The only way that anyone managed to negotiate them was to pair up with a partner and steer the first person downwards wheelbarrow-style. All alone, I was doomed to be stuck here forever.