The traffic on the A1 north of Newcastle was blocked solid. The only way you could now join the carriageway was to first reverse up the ramp, then continue along the hard shoulder backwards until you found a suitable spot to squeeze into the main queue heading south. This was a Saturday afternoon and we wondered just how dangerous it must be in the rush hour during the week.

I was the passenger as TPR tested out the terrifying technique. At one point he almost took out a cyclist, who was saved only by his quick action of leaping from his bike into the adjacent field. Once in the main queue of traffic we didn’t stay in our car long. An accident ahead had forced everyone out of their vehicles and we had to do the same. As we trudged along the road past the newly-dug graves there was nothing to do other than join in the chorus of the Deacon Blue songs along with everyone else.

Later on I met up with the Spice Girls. It was wonderful to be in their company again. The difference between their millionaire lifestyles and mine had no bearing on our friendship. Victoria Beckham even turned to me for fashion advice.