I was working for, and living in the same house as, the owner of Huddersfield Football Club. She asked me to help her work on her latest idea – the creation of an ‘eco-cartoon’ for the younger fan-base. Despite having absolutely no experience in this field, I was the ideal candidate.

Later, at a weekend party in which one of our friends lived in a blow up Tardis, I found myself spending the night with Harrison Ford. Although it was a rather disappointing experience (I caught him watching TV half way through) I wasted no time at all in telling everyone about my conquest the next morning. A former colleague flew in from New Zealand and was astonished to see I was expecting a baby. Shamefaced, I had to admit that I was simply fat but I HAD slept with Harrison Ford.