My new job was to act as an expert on a children’s cultural movement. It seemed that a TV programme about the manager of a boys’ football team was now must-see viewing and I was expected to interpret this phenomenon to MPs and on national TV. I tried to bluff by using the phrase “pedagological expert” but stumbled over the big word. I put too many ‘gogs’ into it.

Every time the lift door closed someone outside pressed the button and the lift doors opened again. More people wanted to squeeze in and I felt myself getting both panicked and cross. I screamed at a woman, “stop pressing that button and wait for another lift. I am claustrophobic”. Astonished at my own assertiveness, I was even more amazed when she did as she was told, only to call the lift again as soon as the doors closed.