I found the canvas bag full of used £10 and £20 notes abandoned next to the post box. When I got home I started to count out the money on my bed, but soon got bored. It could amount to anything between ten and one hundred thousand pounds. I decided that the best way to deal with my haul would be to store most of the notes in the top drawer of the filing cabinet behind the fishing tackle in the upstairs cloakroom of the White House, and keep a smaller float in a goldfish bowl in my bedroom for everyday use. There was no question of handing it in to the police. They would only spend it on trivialities, whereas with careful planning my new fortune would fund my every need until death.

Later I wandered down to the water for a fully-clothed swim with the seals. They didn’t mind the human company at all, and it was lovely to see the new pups enjoy the water.