I watched a work colleague interview Cesar Millan about his use of social media (“who do you follow?”) while I sighed and puppy-dog eyed at him. I was sure we were meant to be together. Meanwhile, a sort of low rent X Factor competition was taking place where performers had to dash between two stages at opposite ends of the theatre, like football terraces. Backstage and unsure of my role, I gradually realised that I was ‘muse’ to the star of the show.

When builders dumped concrete blocks at the end of the street I was very stern with them and they tidied up everything, including the plastic geometry set sitting on the top of the wall.