I’d never heard of “costering” until I lost TPR to a guest house owner on the Isle of Lewis. The islanders had adopted this process of shearing seed from long grass stalks as their favourite outdoor hobby. My husband was keen to try it out, even if it meant missing breakfast with me. He had sloped off early without a word from our rented house to follow RG to the fields.

It was the crotcheting house keeper who confessed that they had disappeared for the day. Furious, I set out to catch them. The fastest way out of the house was to break through the sealed front door, burrow through the underground tunnel, and come up into the light through the manhole cover in the Stornoway car park opposite the shops.

My sudden appearance shocked the council worker, who clung to his witch’s hat for comfort. However, we soon made friends over a discussion of charity shop stock. Apparently here on Lewis there were plenty of vintage clothing options for 6 foot plus transvestite men partial to red sequins.

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As I festooned the kitchen with yet another Christmas decoration I spoke of my ambition to sell handmade decorative goods online. “You don’t have time” argued TPR. In response I countered “There’s a new service called Razzle or Dazzle, Razzle-Dazzle or similar. It’s really simple, much easier to set up than eBay or Etsy. If my graduates CH and CW can do it at the same time as running families with three small children, then so can I.” All my knowledge came from Facebook.