Everyone was thrilled with the charity shop buy – a paisley pink and gold silk mini dress, with only minor fading. They all said it looked as if it was made for me. I wasn’t so convinced by it, or by the heavy old brown handbag they had bought me to go with it. I was astonished that no-one had checked inside the handbag. Lots of copper coins and a Granny Smith apple.

Why was I lying on the bed with the wrong boyfriend? The dog wasn’t happy with it and when the right boyfriend walked in, I was really confused.