I started a new job as a Marks and Spencer cashier and it was the worst debut ever.

I was being driven ‘to Wales’ for dinner by a mystery man but we were delayed by the pony and trap in front.

At a beach hut in Deptford I thought the redecoration naff (a melting clock?!) but enthused about it to the chap who did it.

I tidied up the slugs that the dog had brought with him.