I pushed open the back door of my cousins’ farm house and walked into the kitchen. There several members of my extended family were seated at the kitchen table, but only one greeted me: TB with a low groan. I slapped him in the face, then rushed up the stairs. I could hear TB behind me muttering ‘She acts as if she owns this place’. The problem – at least for him – was that I did.

The staircase was in a terrible state, covered in junk that belonged elsewhere. It was also falling apart. I could lift the handrail clean off the balusters. I reminded myself to arrange for my former colleague NU to come and fix it.

I was in dread when I opened the door of the bedroom that I shared with my sisters, but it wasn’t as bad as I feared. As expected, there were clothes strewn across the floor and beds unmade. The big surprise was that a family of Humpty Dumpties had taken up residence on one of the beds.