I was travelling on the upper deck of a old-fashioned red London bus when I realised two things simultaneously. A teenage Prince William was sitting in a seat in front of me, and we were being sprayed with bullets from outside. I leapt out of my seat and pushed William, head first, onto the floor before throwing myself on top of him. “I’m not even a royalist”, I yelled.

When the danger was over, the bus had turned into a tour bus and I was hugging my favourite musician, Ren. He was really not into this, and I was forced to kiss him on the cheek and retreat.