I was escorting my colleague L to the pantomime when a stranger ran up to me and pressed an envelope into my hand and said “this is the the last of your inheritance”. I peeked inside and saw an attractive mid-20th century diamond ring. This made it even more important that my colleague stopped showing off her phone as we walked through east London. “Keep your eyes on the swivel” I said to her. Despite my warning, she found herself being mugged by a young couple. I just stepped back and watched everything being taken off L while I casually started breaking the mugger’s girlfriend’s fingers. She barely noticed the pain, and kept watching her boyfriend empty L’s pockets.

Later, after the pantomime, my inheritance ring fell to the floor of the stalls. The ‘diamonds’ fell out of the ring and were glowing in the lights. My inheritance was cheap costume jewellery after all.