My new job was driving a red wooden train in a New York department store. The best part of the job was tooting the horn and aggressively waving at shoppers, insisting they move to the side of the aisles so I could speed along unhindered.

After I clocked off, I walked to Central Park where I encountered an enormous human pyramid consisting of Aston Villa and Manchester City fans. Later I lost my dog and had to ask for help from people lounging in deckchairs.