On each morning for four days, I visited the meat counter at Sainsburys. A family of four did the same. Unlike me, however, they never placed a single joint in their trolley. I wondered if they might be shoplifters, but kept this thought to myself.

On the fifth day, when TPR accompanied me, we all followed the same routine. I chose some meat for purchase as the family lingered next to me, watching intently. The single difference this day was that we all left the supermarket at the same time.

Just outside the entrance I felt a sudden pain in my kidneys. The teenage daughter had kneed me from behind. TPR leapt to fight back.

‘Leave this with me’ I said, ‘There is a much better way to deal with this.’

I marched back into the shop to voice my shoplifter suspicions to the store manager.