As my friend parked our bright blue car on the high street, I spotted my friend T walking through the front door of a house. This came as a surprise to me as I hadn’t seen him since he died in the late 1980s. I decided to knock on the same door to say hello.

The door was opened by an impossibly elderly woman. Before I could explain who I was, I looked over her shoulder and saw that a full-scale orgy was taking place. There was a tangle of bodies and walking sticks and wheelchairs. There was no sign of T.