After watching a friend’s son trick-cycle his way down the yellow-painted banister of an Edinburgh tenement staircase, I took my pogo stick and bounced along the streets to my new girls’ school.

So much for school fees: the teachers at this institution were completely clueless. How did anyone ever pass any exams here?

One of the other girls explained that the purpose of attending this school was to cultivate useful network connections for later life. Any pupil who also wished to earn some qualifications was free to study course crib books (readily available at Waterstones).