The old man cradled the six-inch shrunken body of Queen Victoria, then offered to lend me his hire car. This was perfect. Now I would be able to reach the river and take a lovely walk.

I conveniently forgot that driving a car hired out to someone else was illegal. Regardless, I set off. I parked the car near the bridge, as instructed. Then I trekked a couple of miles along the river bank. Before long, I was lost.

TPR was furious when he was forced to come out and rescue me, especially when he discovered that I had also parked illegally at the ‘wrong’ bridge.