VAE stood up from her pew seat, marched over to the speaker, and admonished him in front of the whole congregation:

‘This is a wedding of a couple very much in love. It is customary to speak about them during the service. We do not want to hear any more about your antics at Oxford with your pal BP (who, by the way, didn’t even go to Oxford. BP is a graduate of the University of Edinburgh)’.