David Beckham and I snuggled up together in bed. We hadn’t known each other very long, and were still married to our spouses, so our relationship was a very special secret.

Our game was up on the afternoon that three giggling teenage girls managed to snap photos of us wrapped around one another. It wasn’t long before their blurry iPhone pictures were all over the media.

My students thought it hysterical that their dull lecturer was involved with an international super-star. Such was their amusement that they ordered multiple cardboard cut-outs of a mostly naked Beckham to line the steps up to the main library. My fear was that their prank would generate even more press coverage of our illicit liaison.

Meanwhile Beckham’s latest television ad campaign was about to go live. This drew on the Greek belief that eating the flesh of one creature gave you its powers. In this case, the advert was based on a dozy sheep that grazed lazily on Beckham’s torso, then suddenly bounded across the screen, transformed into an athletic hairy beast.