I broke into H and RJ’s house (while they were on holiday) and used the bathroom. I thought that I had got away with this until I saw their sports car coming up the drive. R was leaning out of the driver’s window, smoking a cigarette.

As soon as H spotted me, she bundled me out of the house. It was imperative that RJ did not see me.

Mission accomplished, H put on her pale blue wetsuit and climbed into a bottle of red wine. We were both now ready to set off on our journey to reunite with SL.