I stormed into my sister J’s bedroom at the White House where I knew that I would find my mother.

‘She’s done it again!’ I raged.

‘What now?’

‘She’s “redecorated” the room next to the bathroom in her own ridiculous style with brown paper and oddly shaped stick-on white lettering. Why does everything in this house have to fit with her preferences?’

My mother was about to put up a defence of S, but I was not prepared to listen to it. I left straight for the bathroom.

There I found my colleague HSX sitting naked in the basin while waiting for the bath to fill. He told me that it was easier to bathe in two stages due to his size.