Katie Price (aka Jordan) and I lapped the swimming pool together. I wondered whether (her) fake boobs behaved differently from the real thing (mine) when in water, but from my vantage point it was not possible to tell, and I felt that it would be rude to ask.

Meanwhile KA stood at the pool edge complaining about her employer. What a waste of money to ship everyone up to Liverpool for a conference – even if the company was a road haulage firm. It was possible that KA was also cross that Katie Price had been invited along as the keynote speaker.